Euphoria but regrets for child care director who was sacked over death of Baby Peter
Sharon Shoesmith admits mixed feelings about the appeal court ruling that found she had being unlawfully dismissed. On the one hand a quiet euphoria that her two-year legal fight may have been successfully concluded; on the other a deep sense of regret about where her odyssey started: the death of Peter Connelly, a 17-month-old boy on the child protection register in Haringey, north London.
Shoesmith, who was director of children's services when he died in August 2007, said: "I'm very relieved to read the judgment but this started with the death of a child so there's no great joy in that sense. I'm relieved to see that [what I experienced] has been recognised, but always with that sadness at the death of a child at the heart of the story."
She is still angry, however, at her brutal treatment at the hands of Ed Balls, the former children's secretary who dismissed her without warning during a live televised press conference in December 2008.
The furore had broken three weeks previously after Peter's killers were convicted, and Shoesmith found herself at the centre of media attention. She had anticipated a "steadying hand" from Balls and his officials.
Even after he ordered an Ofsted report to investigate Haringey's safeguarding services, she had no inkling that she was to be sacked and offered up as what the appeal court judges called a "public sacrifice".
Then came Balls's infamous press conference, in which he held up the Ofsted report and announced he had used special powers to remove her.
She did not believe something as outrageous as being sacked on live TV could happen. "I was shocked. I probably didn't move out of the chair for three days. I was utterly stunned at what on earth had gone on. When I read the [Ofsted] report I questioned the evidence and I question it to this day."
She predicted in an interview with the Guardian that Balls's actions would lead to a "local tragedy and a national catastrophe" for child protection. She takes no comfort from statistics showing spiralling numbers of children being unnecessarily referred to social workers and taken into care .
"I'm still staggered by how irresponsible the secretary of state was. He almost demonstrated his lack of knowledge and understanding of children's social care ... This was his department yet he took steps that led it into complete disarray."
For many months she was a fixture in the tabloids, vilified in print and pursued by paparazzi. Her health suffered, and at times she felt suicidal. She feels she is only just coming through that period now.
"There were things like death threats, there were worries about possibly an arson attack. To this day I have got a wire cage screwed to the back of my door lined in foil which will hold a fire if something burning came through.
"Sometimes people still recognise me which is a bit unnerving because you don't know where they are coming from ... I've got all sorts of lasting effects. If I hear someone running behind me, just a jogger, I get the physiological rush that it is a photographer. So there's are all sort of things that stay on with me but I hope some of that will go with this outcome."
"I did have a very dodgy time and I was frightened to be left on my own because I didn't I trust myself but I did come through that and I was able to be open with my daughters ... to make them aware.
"I had to work very hard to regain some composure. I had a few attacks of shingles. That has settled down. Then you begin to put things in proportion . We all know people who are terminally ill, my own sister died, so you begin to put things in perspective."
Her relief at the judgment is tempered by the knowledge that the government is to appeal.
Will the ruling clear her name? "My mother who is 91 keeps using that phrase 'Will you have your name cleared Sharon?'... It's a strange concept 'having your named cleared'. I don't think it will ever be."
But she does not regret mounting her challenge despite the physical, emotional and financial toll it has taken. " I couldn't live the rest of my life being associated with a brutal murder of a child ... I would have pursued this legal action as far as it took to put that right."
There is speculation that her compensation could be anything between £500,000 and £1m, but Shoesmith says it was justice that motivated her.
"People will want to put noughts on it and all the rest of it but I was never in it for the money. I wanted to win the case, I wanted the truth to be told.
"People say 'You are so strong where do get all this from?' I'm not any different from anyone else. Because when you know you have been wronged ... you will find the strength to keep, at it keep at it, keep at it."
"You are strong because you knew what happened. I always knew that I was being set up. Many people feel quite distraught about that. Many of the players in this case know what went on."
Shoesmith still seeks a "proper explanation" of events surrounding her dismissal. " I think there a lot of that story needs to come out. It won't go away until there is a proper explanation. Because this story was so much in the minds of the public there is a case to tell. It might have happened at the inquest, but there wasn't an inquest. So I still thinks there's a need to really set this down in a truthful way."