Commons culture committee goes on the attack as it examines Qatar's successful World Cup bid
Qatar is an absolute monarchy, most famous for its "indented servitude" or, as we used to call it, "slavery". Its native population is just 300,000. It has no tradition of professional football. Much of the country consists of barren plains covered in sand. The summer temperature can reach 50C, nearly 120F.
Sounds like the perfect setting for a football World Cup, right? And it is the venue for the 2022 World Cup! (The fact that sharia law obtains throughout makes you wonder what the punishment for "hand ball" might be.)
On Tuesday the Commons culture committee examined the bidding process.
Its first witness was Mr Mike Lee, who is credited with the strategy that won the Olympics for London, and for snaring the World Cup for Qatar.
Mr Lee thought that Qatar was a spiffy place for a World Cup. We had the technology to make the new stadiums cool, even in broiling midsummer.
And it would be green! The power of the sun would be harnessed to cool the heat of the sun.
MPs' eyebrows shot up and down like caterpillars on a trampoline.
But the select committee members were more interested in corruption.
The Sunday Times had told them that two members of the Fifa committee had been paid $1.5m to vote for Qatar – which they had duly done.
Mr Lee was shocked, shocked! "I have no reason to believe it happened, I have seen no evidence of that."
The chairman, John Whittingdale, said that a former member of Fifa had told them that committee members had been offered $1.2m.
"I never witnessed that, I have never been involved, I have absolutely no reason to believe those allegations are correct!" said Mr Lee.
Louise Bagshawe, the Tory MP and chicklit writer, showed true grit. She produced a long list of charges.
Surely he must have known something was going on?
Apparently not. "You are asking me questions about something I know nothing about."
Ms Bagshawe wondered how that was possible, given his role.
"I have never seen behaviour I believe is unethical," said Mr Lee.
They got on to a debate on gifts. They had to have only "incidental value" said Mr Lee. What did "incidental" mean? "It's never been defined," he said. Round about this time, the committee realised it was getting nowhere slowly, and changed the subject.
Later Lord Triesman, the former FA and England 2018 chairman, produced a list of Fifa committee members who he said had demanded special favours.
He told the MPs that Jack Warner had wanted £2.5m to build an education centre in Trinidad.
The Thai member wanted the TV rights to a friendly match played by England.
Bizarrely, Paraguay's Nicolás Léoz had asked for a knighthood. Imagine that being granted! The Queen would have taken one look, declared that she had finally lost the will to live, and run herself through with her own sword.