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David Cameron is wrong to say socialists are humourless. In fact, there is a fine tradition of leftwing wags
You might think a sense of humour was the first attribute required to be leftwing and British in 2011. Goodness knows I clung grimly yesterday to what's left of mine, as Britain waved some flags at two state-sponsored strangers in the name of communal bonding. "Huge crowds already gathering in London for next Thursday's referendum," tweeted Armando Iannucci, giving an enfeebled laugh to dissenters, and proving that, in the teeth of relentless provocation, a leftie's humour may wobble, but it won't fall down.
But our esteemed prime minister begs to differ. Reacting to the criticism of his "calm down, dear" quip in the Commons this week – which now ranks him (he seems to think) alongside Churchill and Disraeli in the pantheon of Tory wits – Cameron blamed leftie humourlessness. "I don't know what it is about people on the left," he said. "It seems that when they put the socialism in, they take the sense of humour out."
Let's put aside for now Cameron's association between "people on the left" and the parliamentary Labour party (a good gag, I admit), and consider his claim that progressives wouldn't know a joke if it collectivised their farm. You can see where the notion comes from. Conservatives look around the world and like what they see. Well-off themselves, and blind to injustice, exploitation and inequality among others, they just can't stop cracking blithe one-liners. Lefties, meanwhile, are too angry at the status quo, too resentful of the powers-that-be, and too poor – compared with Cameron – to relax and have a giggle.
It's a neat idea, which damns belief in social justice by association with mean-spiritedness and lack of joie de vivre. But – of course – it can't sustain even the most glancing inspection. After all, whereas Tories don't need humour to get by – they're perfectly well-off without it – to those on the left, it's a survival mechanism. "Humour is an almost physiological response to fear," said that extremely amusing socialist Kurt Vonnegut. Not his funniest line. I prefer, "Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand".
From proto-standup Karl Marx onwards (trademark gag: "Catch a man a fish and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity."), the link between socialism and gallows humour is well established. In the UK, leftie hero Nye Bevan was an ace exponent of parliamentary invective: "Listening to a speech by [Neville] Chamberlain is like paying a visit to Woolworth's," quoth he, "everything in its place and nothing above sixpence." Internationally, Fidel Castro was so associated with slapstick humour that the American government couldn't even look at him without picturing an exploding cigar.
Even recently, the British left has seldom been without its wisecrackers. Douglas Alexander's quip at the expense of William Hague's bungled Libya mission ("if new neighbours moved in to the foreign secretary's street, [would he] introduce himself by ringing the doorbell or climb over the fence in the middle of the night?") is one recent example. Other Labourite wags include Michael Foot, former MP and comic novelist Chris Mullin and, of course, ex-chancellor of the exchequer Denis Healey. His description of Geoffrey Howe as a "dead sheep" may be the most influential political joke ever – and he skewered Margaret Thatcher too. "I often compare her with Florence Nightingale," went one Healey line. "She stalks through the wards of our hospitals as a lady with a lamp. Unfortunately, it's a blowlamp."
Healey even performed on Channel 4's 80s flagship standup show Saturday Live. Standup comedy isn't as leftwing as it was back then, when Alexei Sayle and Ben Elton were in their pomp. But even today it can offer us Josie Long and Jon Stewart, Mark Thomas and the great American activist/comic Reverend Billy. Or Mark Steel, who recently mocked the claim that kings and queens are good for UK tourism by picturing visitors to the Eiffel Tower: "It's not a bad view," he has them say, "but the lack of a monarch spoils it somehow." By contrast, rightwing comedy fans must comfort themselves with a host of apolitical TV wannabes – Jeremy Clarkson slagging off Mexicans, and anecdote-heavy fringe shows from knitwear-and-whip's-office legend Gyles Brandreth. I'll stick with leftie humour, dear – and David Cameron can take his chances with that lot.