Prominent news anchors decamp to London with Cat Deeley and Sharon Osbourne signed up as pundits
If the media were a reflection of the mood of the country they cover, America would be covered in bunting, from sea to shining sea.
Some of the country's most prominent news anchors have decamped to London, replete with desks decked in union flags and other similarly subtle memorabilia. Networks have paid up to $100,000 to secure contracts for rather improbable British pundits, including Cat Deeley ("noted British broadcaster", according to CNN's press release) and Sharon Osbourne.
There has been an inevitable glut of reality and makeover shows, all shamelessly pegged to the wedding, including Royal Icing Weekend on the Food Network and Say Yes to the Dress: Princess Brides. To anyone living in America, the results of a recent survey by Nielsen proving that the coverage of the royal wedding by the US press surpasses by a significant margin that of the British media will have come as little surprise.
TV networks optimistically insist that the early hour of tomorrow's wedding – 5am on the east coast, 3am on the west – will not be a problem: "Of course a few hours earlier would have been preferable but I'm confident people will be watching. It will be a major global event," said Marc Burstein, executive producer for ABC News Special Events.
"We've focused heavily on our digital applications so Americans can watch it when they wake up," said a spokesperson for CNN Worldwide, which has sent 50 employees to London to cover the wedding, one of the few networks to divulge figures of staff dedicated to the event. "We expect huge international interest."
But expecting and getting are not the same. In a recent survey by the New York Times and CBS News, only 6% of respondents said they were following the wedding "very closely", while 38% were not interested at all.
Perhaps in a belated reflection of this, beneath the ubiquitous, squealing TV coverage, there is a low hum of anxiety. It is a rare TV special devoted to William and Kate that does not mention that eternal Banquo at the royal feast Diana, as the media blatantly attempt to siphon off her appeal into the next generation. Last weekend TLC aired Charles and Di: Once Upon a Time, while CNN showed The Women Who Would Be Queen, whose entire raison d'etre was to point out the various random similarities between Middleton and Diana, which were that they both went to boarding school and share a gender.
On MSNBC, one reporter took to the streets of New York to ascertain if the average American could name any member of the wedding party. One gentleman insisted Prince Charles's name was simply Prince, prompting delightful images of Charles singing Purple Rain, while another sent his best wishes to the future queen of England, Kate Winslet.
Incidentally, for the sake of being fair and balanced, it should be noted that one member of the US media has never been excited about the royal wedding: Fox News' ranter-in-chief, Bill O'Reilly. He recently announced on air that he had no interest in "the old Queen" or any of her kin because "they stole it [all] from the peasants … this would be like us in America celebrating the wedding of Al Capone's great-great-great-great-granddaughter!" He followed up this defence of the British working man by a diatribe against American unions. Well, British peasants are so much more glamorous than their pesky American counterparts.
"Americans have a hard time contemplating the concept of hereditary anything," said American social commentator and special correspondent to Town & Country William Norwich. "When Americans think of hereditary, they think of Paris Hilton. Bobby Kennedy Jr once said that America is the worst informed but best entertained country in the world and the Americans who are looking forward to this are seeing it as entertainment and the royals as celebrities."
"Oh no, everyone's very excited about the royal wedding – it's just been mad here!" insisted Nicola Perry, owner of the New York-based British themed restaurant and shop Tea and Sympathy. "Not the Brits, but the Americans – they love it."
But next to her, her (American) friend, Joan Kenney, shrugged: "I gotta tell you – I don't give two shits."