We are all in this together. Even L Ron Hubbard might soon be feeling the pinch
• With the support of Tom Cruise and John Travolta, the Church of Scientology can be satisfied that its writ runs large in Hollywood. Today, the problem for the disciples of L Ron Hubbard is what to do about Birmingham. For the council has withdrawn the rates relief it afforded to the church. This is no little matter. The concession had saved the Scientologists more than £250,000 in recent years. And the problem is the domino effect: for the withdrawal of this benefit follows the decision of the Pickles, secretary of state for local government, to question in the Guardian why Scientology was being granted charitable and discretionary relief. He pointed out that it is not a registered charity. The Charity Commission has ruled that it does not provide a public benefit and that its premises are not a recognised place of worship. At least four authorities have given tax breaks to the Scientologists, including the City of London Corporation (£1.3m), Westminster (£165,300 over 10 years) and Sunderland (£30,000 over five years). But as the cold winds blow, can they afford to be so generous?
• A diary date: 16 May in east London, when the Labourites of Hackney South and Shoreditch will dine Vietnamese in the esteemed company of the Right Honourable David Miliband. A snip at £32 a ticket, for three courses, and a glass of wine on arrival. He'll supply the sour grapes.
• And Alistair Darling, the former chancellor, has a quite a few to hurl at his former boss, according to the latest Prospect magazine. Had I known better, said Gordon this month, I would have better regulated the banks. Cue fury from Darling, apparently, who urged him to do just that and got a rollicking. Darling has "well and truly had enough of his former boss", reports Prospect, and with a memoir slated for September publication, has an opportunity to exact revenge. Never underestimate the quiet man, as they say.
• Onward we go, for progress is good. Still, it can be downright irritating. And so it is at the BBC, where staff are still digesting the new sustainability initiative – The Difference. "Two weeks after The Difference took the paper towels out of the toilets I still can't work out how to get my face in the Dyson dryer," writes Paul Lewis, presenter of Radio 4's Money Box, in the house journal Ariel. "Thank goodness I wear a tie," he says.
• On Britain's Got Talent, they have the Hoff. At the Daily Tel, they have the Heff – Simon Heffer, columnist, historian, guardian of the paper's style guide. Both retain the ability to entertain. "The excitement of the imminent royal wedding – lower case r and w – should not deflect us from our usual high standards when writing about members of the royal family," warns Heff. No calling Waity Katie "Kate". As for her beau, he'll probably receive a new title and "we shall, in accordance with our style for the rest of the royal family, from that moment refer to him as "The Duke of X". His new wife will be "The Duchess of X". For the readers are principally "traditional monarchists and deeply dislike any familiarity in describing its members, which they regard as rude", says Heffer. "That is why they read our paper and not a tabloid." That's why those who want the griff on the Duke of X and Waity Katie are really better off here.
• Finally, she may never have won a Booker prize, but the career of the late Beryl Bainbridge contained landmarks enough to fuel much reminiscence at Tuesday night's Best of Beryl celebration in central London. They applauded her as a writer – with Master George selected for preferment – as an incorrigible smoker, and as the initiator of much misbehaviour. Her oldest grandson, documentary maker Charlie Russell, remembered how Beryl took him to one of the Booker awards when he was 15. "The publishers were so confident that she would win, that they had organised a secret victory party. We didn't go, but she didn't mind not winning at all. We both got very, very drunk instead. She was a brilliant drinking buddy. The kindest of souls and the most mischievous, inspiring of grandmothers." No Booker, it is true. But that was some life.