Clik here to view.
Lucy Mangan on the people in the media spotlight in the past seven days
Birth pains
The plummy presenter of Location, Location, Location and Kirstie Buys Lovely Homemade Things To Make Her Lovely Home Look Lovely and Homemade donned her best Smartly Belted Coat of Truth this week and went into battle against the National Childbirth Trust, empower-y, natural birth-facilitating champions of women against the overmedicalisation of birth, or incalculable-pain and vaginal-trauma-advocating cult (delete according to taste).
She criticised them for being "reckless" in not providing information about caesareans and making women feel like failures if they have the operation. The CEO Brenda Phipps said: "Nut up!" No, not really. She said NCT members were primarily interested in natural birth options and not everything could be fitted into every course as snugly as a baby down a birth canal. No, again, not the last bit really.
Alas, we do not yet have the definitive, 140-character answer to which type of birth makes you a monster mother, but we will absolutely keep you informed.
His kinda town
The m*****f***** has only gone and won the mayoral race in Chicago! F*****' A – now he gets to run the most prominent urban dystopia in the US – think Blade Runner without the background efficiency – and all the former White House chief of staff had to do for it was get Barry O to give his main rival for the job a cabinet place, survive a few allegations of ineligibility over residence qualifications and, hey poncho, the gig was his.
The question of what prompted the formerly second most powerful man in the world to run for it, however, remains unsolved. What dark secrets were revealed lurking under 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, forcing him to flee? Alien eggs? RoboCheney in the final stages of assembly? A swearbox containing his IOUs? We can only watch and wait.
Der Skandal
The German defence minister has temporarily renounced his doctorate title following accusations of plagiarism. In that PhD-obsessed land, it has been alleged that Karl – seen, at least before der Skandal, as a potential successor to Angela Merkel – lifted passages of his 2006 thesis on constitutional developments in the EU and US from other sources, including a newspaper article and a public lecture. K-T accepts there are errors in his dissertation, but denies these amount to plagiarism. Meanwhile, he has been dubbed "Baron Googleberg". Yes, a German joke. Read it and try not to weep.
What we've learned
• 60% of parents say they cannot afford to have a second child
• Half of all pets in the United States are overweight
• The average Briton spends £168,000 on a total of 121 holidays in a lifetime
• Shanghai is to instigate a one-dog policy in the city from April
... and what we haven't
• Who will win the coming battle between Ocado and Waitrose delivery service? A tiny proportion of the nation waits . . .
What they said
"If my mother were alive today she'd tell me to make sure my shoes are polished for the wedding." The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, compiling his checklist for the big day.
"If I can get my nose fixed for the wedding, that would be ideal . . . My surgeon died so I still need to find someone to do it." And socialite and former coke addict Tara Palmer-Tomkinson makes hers.
"Now this is out, I will have to get my family a million scratch cards each for Christmas. I have decided to use the rest of the money to take over Libya."
Ricky Gervais after details of his £50m fortune were leaked on the internet.